Okay, I admit it…I am a reality TV whore!!! I live for the drama on Laguna Beach. I root for each and every wife on each and every Real Housewives Of… I cheer for every chef on Top Chef America . While some people call me a fool and tell me I’m wasting my time watching such drivel, I just laugh and say ‘no, tis not true. Why if you watch very carefully there is actually valuable life lessons to be learned. That’s why it’s called REALITY tv!” So for all you naysayers out there, here are 13 life lessons I have learned from watching reality tv.
1. Trust No One. Ever.
Whether it’s a pact that your buddy will NEVER rat you out (a la Survivor) or that they will never, EVER divulge your secrets (a la The Bachelor, The Bachelorette), chances are they will. After all who needs trust when there’s a pot of money/a guy/a gal to be won!
2. Greed Is Good.
Gordon Gekko may have said it first but nothing signifies this axiom better than reality TV. Whether it’s eating some crap on Fear Factor or Survivor or pretending to be in love with someone (The Bachelor, The Bachelorette)there is no end to what the average person will sell their soul for.
3. Sex Sells
As much as our mothers tried to tell us that “it’s what inside that counts, dear”, reality tv of course tells us the total opposite. From Brett Michael’s Rock of Love to The Bachelor, how often do you really see the ugly people stick around til the end of the series (assuming they’re even on there in the first place?!).
4. Thou Shalt Lie
Forget the Ten Commandments. On reality tv, the truth always goes out the window. On dating shows the contestants have boyfriends girlfriends and sometimes even husbands and wives. It may not be pretty or decent, but hey, it gets ratings!
5. Nice Guys Never Finish First
Sorry mom, but the reverse of this one ain’t true either. You may be a millionaire, look like George Clooney, but if you insist on waiting til the 2nd date to have sex, then you’re history!
6. The Lewder and Cruder the Better
The ladies/hos on every Brett Michaels show seem to reflect this one better than anyone. Here, there is not a stripper pole, alcohol bottle or naked jacuzzi that didn’t have their names on it.
7. Never Take Off Your Makeup
Never leave the house without makeup. Never leave your room without makeup. Never take off your makeup. NEVER!!
8. Nobody Reads
Books are either props for nerds, used for decoration, used for weapons, or to be written in the tell-all style in order to spill all your castmates dirty little secrets.
9. There’s No Need to Grow Up
Okay, I have to admit it. Those bimbos on Real Housewives Of.. really make horrible role models for well, anyone. Though most of them are pushing 40 (and up) they act worse than their pre-teenage kids! In some cases, the kids are raising THEM. I mean, where else but on reality tv can you see a grown woman getting upset that a girlfriend is going to a party with someone that she doesn’t like!
10. Money Can’t Buy You Class
If there’s any show that proves this point over and over and over it’s any version of The Real Housewives Of… But no one person proves it more than that NY Housewife extraordinaire, the former Countess LuAnn de Lesseps, (dubbed the “Countless” by Ramona’s hubby Mario since her divorce from the Count). LuAnn, she of no sense of irony and zero talent, has gone so far as to record a single titled (you got it) Money Can’t Buy You Class. Now maybe you understand why this crap is so addicting to watch?!
11. Fame CAN Buy You Talent
Back in the old days, (pre-reality tv that is ). you actually needed some kind of talent in order to be famous. Well not anymore. Now it’s done in reverse. Want to write a book, make music or start a business? Become a Housewife Bachelor or Bachelorette. Connections, buzz, fame count the most. Who needs talent if there’s a ghost writer, a pr agent, a publicist, and a sound engineer with lots of echo?
12. Kids Make Great Accessories
Awwwh, those little precious bundles of joy! In the “real world” children are to be loved, nurtured and treasured. In the world of “reality tv” however, children are exploited, used as accessories and proof that “I’m still fertile even though I already have 18 other mouths to feed”. ”
13. Never Give Up
More than anything else, reality tv has taught me that just when you think the jig is up, you’re never gonna get a rose, you’re not gonna get the dough, something significantly good can always happen. Hey, that’s why they have spin-offs!!
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