Prisons Lindsay and Paris Might End Up In (If They Don’t Straighten Up)

Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan–talk about about a druggie tag team! With LiLo serving jail time for DUI and our all-time favorite perennial bad girl Paris Hilton getting arrested this week for marijuana and cocaine possession (did you REALLY think that was gum in that purse?…really??!), I just don’t know which jail cell to keep track of.  Well, as bad as serving jail time may seem to these two, they should really count their lucky stars that they’re not incarcerated in the  following prisons.  Some of these places make L.A County jail look like well, the Hilton!:

ADX Florence Supermax Facility – Colorado

Inmates at ADX are the worst of the worst. And the surroundings here reflect this. Described by inmates (which include the “Unabomber” and several ogranized crime figures), as a nightmare vision of punishment, “meant to inflict misery and pain”, this “clean version of hell” is also a violent place. And instead of lounging about in their palatial Beverly Hills homes, Lohan and Hilton would have to make do with concrete furniture which includes a simple desk, stool, and bed.

If they’re lucky, their rooms may be equipped with an electric light, a radio and a television that shows recreational, educational and religious programming. Gee, if Paris and LiLo wound up here they couldn’t see reruns of House of Wax and I Know Who Killed Me.

San Quentin Prison – San Quentin, California

Though it’s been slightly reformed, San Quentin is still not a pretty place. Back in the day, prisoners made counterfeit currency in the prison shops, had their heads shaved and were forced to wear numbered uniforms, while eating out of pails and enduring solitary confinement in poured-concrete cells that had little air and no light.

Gee, I don’t know about you, but I would gladly pay a years’ salary to see Paris and LiLo cue balled and eating out of pails!

Bang Kwang Prison – Thailand

As the Director of Prisons Khun Nattee himself states, “Thai prisons are tough…you don’t want to be in Bang Kwang. Bang Kwang is understaffed, overcrowded, and filled with inmates who struggle with insanity as they spend the first months of their sentences chained in leg irons.

Poor medical care is standard at this prison, with sick inmates shackled to their beds as they wait for medicines they probably will never get. If a prisoner happens to wind up on Death Row here,  they will have leg irons welded on until their execution, and they will be given only two hours notice before dying by lethal injection.  Paris however, might find some comfort here as this place is lovingly known as the “Bangkok Hilton”.

La Sante Prison  – Paris, France

According to whistle-blower and former prison official Veronique Vasseur, this prison is a hellhole, where prisoners are forced to live out their sentences in concrete cells full of rats and lice. Inmates are prone to lose their sanity as they deal with the harsh daily realities of life at La Sante – which translates, ironically, to “health” in the English language. Suicide is rampant at la Sante, with a staggering 122 self-inflicted deaths of prisoners in 2002, and 73 more by mid 2003. The tendency to suicide could be linked to the terrible living conditions that plunged inmates into clinical depression: overcrowding, understaffing, and prison violence led these people to swallow drain cleaner in order to end their suffering once and for all.

I guess in this situation, Paris might be excused if she requested access to her cocaine, sorry, er, “gum”.

Syria- Tadmor Prison

Described as a “kingdom of death and madness”, Tadmor features bloodthirsty guards who butcher inmates with axes, and political prisoners who are starved to concentration camp emaciation by prison administrators.

Well, Lilo and Paris are concerned about their weight…

Carandiru Prison – Brazil

The body count was sky-high at this notorious Brazilian prison, where riots in 1992 triggered a massacre of the general population by local police: inmates, who had already given in and surrendered to police, were shot as they cowered in terror in their tiny cells. Deaths at this facility are thought to be as many as 1300 over its 46 year history.

The violence isn’t the only thing threatening the unfortunate residents of this dark place: an AIDS epidemic at this facility spread rapidly, with as many as one in five of the inmates suffering from the disease. W-ell, Paris and Lindsay haven’t exactly been very picky about who they sleep with so this place may not be so bad after all…